In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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