I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
