Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
