i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
