you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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