Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
