Im at strip club and am horny
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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