I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
