i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
