would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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