I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
