What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
