After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
