Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
