You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
