not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
