Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
