Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
