eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize