woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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