and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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