hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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