my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
