Betty ford says i'm here all night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
