Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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