I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
