The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
