so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
