mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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