Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
