We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
