you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
