Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
