Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Hulkslashtinman hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms

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(732): View more from New Jersey

no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck

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(862): View more from New Jersey

:( I miss blowjobs.

(973): View more from New Jersey

This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.

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(972): View more from Texas

Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.

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(301): View more from Maryland

in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

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(850): View more from Florida

"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.

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