i think my mom watched the whole time
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Houston, we have a squirter
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
