Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
