dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
