i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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