Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to sanitize my soul.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
