I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
