even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Randomize
