at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
