you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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