so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
