I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
