Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
