i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
