Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
