I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
