my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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