don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
