Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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