I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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