so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
