How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize