Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
