I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
