people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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