apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
