this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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