I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
